


Start the Countdown

by HodgeWrites



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But ask and ye shall recieve, Fluff, M/M, More Pining, Shadowgast, at least for now lol idk what i'm doing, but a somewhat hopeful end for everyone else like me slipping into our clown shoes after 124, but this time we address it yay, first draft baybe, goblin brain demanded fluff, i guess there is a bit angst in there, spoilers 124
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:54:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29260038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HodgeWrites/pseuds/HodgeWrites
Summary: The decent into Aeor Proper, and the race to its center has begun. Light on allies and sparring on the information they have so far, the Mighty Nein are joined by Essek, and the baggage he and a certain red-headed wizard carry with them.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 131





	Start the Countdown

**Author's Note:**

> I saw some people referencing like music for titles and inspirations for bits, so here's a fun recommendation: Make Out by Julia Nunes, which this title takes lyrics from. Really underappreciated song tbh, and I am willing to put money on it becoming a solid Shadowgast song if/when it becomes canon, because, the longing man. The longing.

The descriptions of Aeor proper Essek gave to the Nein three days ago, and again before the party descended on their return from the mainland didn’t give the city justice.

To call it huge, or grand, beautiful even, was the understatement of the century.

Stone walls clashed with the shredding of ice, giving the geometric patterns carved into the walls strange yet beautiful patterns of colored light when Caduceus’ staff passed by.

They passed towers and smaller buildings, some broken, some fully intact, seemingly to be on an outer street that became its own room, its ceiling miles above them where the ice formed.

Little light shown through it, but that wasn’t an issue for Essek and the handful of drow guards that accompanied the Nein. Even still, there was an eeriness to the energy in the depths.

From Caduceus’ commune, they knew they were in ahead of the Tombtakers, but they had no idea where to go from there. Or Essek didn’t.

Ever since their return, Beau and Caleb seemed even more distant than their initial reunion. Fjord and Caduceus lead the conversations in planning the decent, relaying what they dug up on their round trip down south.

Now, Caleb and Beau led the party through the maze-like streets with uncanny accuracy.

The five warriors Essek picked out were some of the few that had also ventured into the ruins before, and he could sense them eyeing one another. One even glanced back at him; concern written all over her face. Essek just shook his head and followed on. They all knew they were getting in over their heads on whatever was happening down here. He only hoped these soldiers would have a chance to retreat when the time came.

The first day of travel went by uneventful.

That wasn’t to say there wasn’t a handful of stopping, and waiting as something ahead shuffled onward, deeper into the ruins.

Essek’s soldiers still said nothing, uncomfortable, but grateful at the easy travel.

“Dome or the tower?” Caleb asked the party once it was decided they would rest for the evening.

Unanimously the Nein echoed the tower, the guards and Essek gave one another a look as Caleb dropped down and began the spell.

A stainglass door appeared where Caleb crouched. He stood, and pushed the door open.

Essek kept watch behind them with Caduceus as the others piled in through the doorway, and satisfied they were alone for the time being, joined the rest inside.

The first thing, strangely, that Essek noticed inside the tower, was the smells. And evidently, he wasn’t alone.

Scents of fresh baked goods and savory stews wafered from the floors above them, and his soldiers looked at Caleb in anticipation.

Caleb marched to the center of the entrance chamber. “Just think up,” He said, and began drifting upwards.

They all joined him, save Essek, who landed, and walked around the room, looking at each stained-glass mural.

He had only seen this floor, but already Essek could feel the love and hope woven in the magic of every glass shard and stone brick.

He could hear conversations and laughter above. The change of scenery was all it took to bring the guards out of their shells, it seemed.

Essek floated up to the second level, where Caleb was opening the doors at random, letting random bedchambers appear.

“these rooms are smaller,” he was telling the drow guard. “But they are private, warm, comfortable. We’ll let you settle in. Dinner in a half hour?”

Nods all around, and the Nein floated up further.

Essek looked at the doors, each now occupied by one or two soldiers.

One caught his eye, and gave a nod as they took off their heavy white cloak, but did not remove their armor. Essek nodded in response, and followed upwards.

The next floor was a huge library, and Essek knew in that moment this was where he would be all night if he didn’t sleep like he knew he expected he wouldn’t.

The Nein seemed to have scattered a bit now, some continuing up and around the tower, but Jester had stopped at the first spectral cat she saw, listing off everything that needed to be prepared for dinner.

“We have guests,” She was crouched down to a tortoiseshell cat. Every word intense and the most important thing she’d ever said. “Probably won’t eat as much as the yetis, but we got to impress Essek and those warriors.”

“After months of artic rations,” Essek landed beside her. “You don’t have to do much to impress us. Also, yetis?”

Jester jumped up, and Essek found himself in her embrace once again. He patted her back, and she pulled off, grinning.

“Yep. Yetis. They’re pretty friendly once you get to know them.”

“Gods, once I think you’re joking about something you are completely serious. I swear you all are going to be—” He didn’t finish the turn of phrase. Clearing his throat, he shifted. “Have you seen where Caleb went? We didn’t have a chance to speak before heading out.”

“Ooooo,” Jester giggled. “I’m not sure. His room is on the seventh floor with Veth’s. Or he might be on the eighth, but there’s a lot of fucked up shit up there.”

She leaned in close. “Like a lot.”

“Right.” Essek nodded, not knowing where to even begin with that information. “Well, I’ll see you at dinner?”

The tiefling nodded, and pulled him in for one last hug before letting him drift further up.

There was a green door, and the other door had streaks of amber in the woodgrain. Essek took a wild guess and knocked on the amber door.

No response.

Essek felt his heart sink, and turned around. Veth was peaking out from her room.

“Oh, Essek!” She opened the door fully.

“Veth.” He nodded.

“What do you think of the tower?”

“Well, it’s beautiful, from what I’ve seen.” Essek said. “Do you know where Caleb is?”

Veth shifted on her feet for a second. “Well… Caleb hasn’t been feeling to well lately. We’ll see him at dinner I’m sure.”

“Of course. I can only imagine what he’s feeling right now, the enemies we face.”

“Right.” Veth coughed. “Well, there’s a room down next to Yasha and Caduceus, I think that one’s for you.”

“Okay.” Essek stepped into the center of the empty space, hovering. “I shall go get settled, see you at dinner?”

Veth nodded. “See you at dinner.”

Essek floated back down to the floor with three doors, one marked with a scarab, and the other a flower. They must’ve been Caduceus’ and Yasha’s rooms, but he almost couldn’t guess which was which. Either way, there was a blank third door, which he knocked on. Receiving no answer, he pushed the door open.

The first room was a near identical copy to his living room back in Rosohna.

The only difference was the fireplace, and above it a stain glass mural of two arms, one human, one drow, reaching up towards a shining dodecahedron. Essek made note of it, and walked into the second room, which once again, matched the furniture to his laboratory at home nearly to a T.

The third had a large bed and already drawn tub, hidden behind a room divider. It was small, but cozy. The steam from the bath was tempting, but Essek knew that if he divulged right then it’d take hours for him to leave its warmth.

Essek instead took off his cloak, and set it folded neatly onto one of the chairs back in the first room. there was a small stack of books on the table next to it.

“Interesting.” Essek looked at the titles of the books, stopping at the fourth one down the stack. The black leather was impressed by the silver text, _The Courting of the Crick._ Why such a book existed, let alone within Caleb and the Nein’s possession was beyond him. He set the book down again, his plans for the evening suddenly shifting.

He wasn’t sure if a whole half hour had passed, but judging by the bustle on the floor below as he exited his room, he wasn’t the only one growing somewhat impatient.

He joined his people and the Nein in the dining room, all of them finding seats around the now extra-long dining table.

Essek found himself sitting with Caduceus on one side, and an empty chair on the other. He looked down the table, counting heads. Caleb still hadn’t joined them.

Seemingly unbothered, the others dug into the platters that the spectral cats brought out. Trays upon trays of pastries, fish, and a myriad of hot dishes Essek recognized from his time in Nicodranas, but couldn’t name.

“We guessed that you guys haven’t really been far south.” Jester clasped her hands. “So, here’s all the best foods from the Menagerie Coast. Enjoy!”

The soldiers took her word and dug in. Essek eyed the nearest plate of tarts, and sighed.

“Something the matter?” Caduceus reached for a bowl of mushroom salad.

“Long day.” Essek said. “Much on my mind.”

“That’s fair.” Caduceus nodded. “Anything you care to talk about?”

One of the soldiers looked up from her own conversation. Essek eyed her down until she turned back to Yasha and Fjord.

“Perhaps in more private quarters,” he said.

Essek could feel himself dragging down the tone of the room. to his right, the Nein and his men were laughing, gossiping. While he and the empty chair to his left wallowed in guilt and anxiety.

The door into the center chamber opened, and Caleb took the open chair.

“Sorry,” he said. “lost track of the time.”

Veth eyed him. “I didn’t know that was possible.”

“It is with a good book.” Caleb said, pulling a goblet and pitcher of wine towards him. “You’ve worked with me before, Veth, you know how it is.”

“I suppose.” Veth said. “Do you have something to work on tonight then?”

“Maybe.” Caleb hardly looked up from his food. “I’m missing some physical components, but hopefully the tower can provide the results I’m looking for.”

“Would you like any help?”

Caleb paused, looking up at her. Essek kept his eyes on his own plate, not daring to look over to him.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Probably not. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking towards, but it’s something.”

“Okay. Well, you know where to find us.” Veth went back to her meal.

_Us._

Essek couldn’t help imagine that included him. Warm memories of completing the transmogrification spell, of Caleb’s embrace washed over him.

The conversations went on around him, and after a moment of pushing food around his plate, Essek stood, excused himself, and left the dining room.

“He hardly touched anything.” Jester leaned over the table at his plate. “Do you think he didn’t like the food?”

One of the cats fetching the abandoned platter chuffed in disapproval at the notion of the food being any less than perfect for any of the strange guests that came through the Nein’s doors.

“Oh, don’t sweat ‘im.” One of the Kryn soldiers said. Her silver hair was shaved, and with her helmet now removed, the others could see her sharp features and piercing blue eyes. “The Shadowhand’s got certain tastes, and rarely does he ever rub elbows with us lowborns.”

“That doesn’t sound like Essek.” Fjord said. “I mean, sure, he can be a stuck-up prick sometimes, but even I can tell that was a little weird, right?”

Caduceus nodded. “A bit, yeah.”

The soldiers looked at each other, while they were much more comfortable with these new traveling companions, and the shelter and food they provided, whatever was between them and the Shadowhand was still beyond them.

“Maybe you should go talk to him, Caleb.” Jester now redirected her lean over the table to him.

“I doubt that’s a good idea.”

“Uggghhhhhhhhhhh.” Jester dropped back into her chair. “Why do you make things so _difficult_?”

“Yeah, there’s definitely some unresolved bullshit going on there.” Beau poked at some salmon. “I think the sooner it’s addressed, the sooner we can move forward without the baggage dragging us back.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Caleb wiped his hands on the napkin. Changing the subject back to Jester. “Did you want to look in at out old friend, see how far he is?”

Jester sighed. “I mean sure. He’s probably been looking and seeing what we’ve been doing so I might as well.”

“This that Lucien guy?” Another soldier asked. His skin was a deep shade of purple, but he was bulky, a bit bigger than Fjord, sporting matching tusks and a scar that ran from his forehead down his temple and cheek.

“Yep.” Jester finished off the last pastry on her plate. “We’re ahead but if they don’t rest, we could be in trouble.”

I take it we’ll take watches then?”

“Probably would be a good idea.” Fjord said. “Even if Lucien doesn’t stumble upon us it’ll be a good idea to keep an eye on whatever is lurking in these halls.”

The conversation shifted into the nightly plan, where the five soldiers, Fjord, Caduceus, and Yasha all hashed out guard duties. Finishing their meals, they all went their separate ways.

The Nein followed Jester out and up to her room, where she set up her scrying spell.

Artagan appeared in the flickering shadows behind her, grand eyebrows furrowed, his arms crossed.

“Are you sure about this?” He drifted lazily up over her shoulder.

“I’m sure,” Jester’s eyes were screwed shut, waiting for the spell to complete. “Show me… Otis.”

Caleb could practically feel the sneer coming from the Archfey’s lip, but he covered Jester’s eyes with his hands, and a radiant green glow emanated from the two of them.

It hardly lasted a moment before Jester pulled out of Artagan’s grasp, but it wasn’t like he was holding on tight. He drifted backwards, fading back into shadow.

“They’re pretty far away I think.” Jester collected her notebook. “I dropped out before Lucien notice, I hope, but they’re still in the snow. I think… Maybe a day, two days out? If they rest that is.”

“They must’ve found their other crest.” Beau guessed.

“But we still have time.” Caleb met her eye. “We can beat them.”

She nodded. “If the Somnovum are actually leading us the right direction.”

“We don’t have much choice, do we?”

“I suppose not.” Caleb straightened up, and headed to the door. “I’ll be in the study, if you need me.”

“Oh, Caleb.” Veth called after him. “Essek was looking for you before dinner. I think he wanted to talk to you, in private.”

Caleb sighed, weighing his options. “ _Ja_ , okay.”

Essek lounged in the chair beside the fireplace, flipping the pages of black book.

There was a knock at the door.

Without even looking up, Essek snapped his fingers and the door opened.

“I was told you were looking for me?” Caleb stepped in. “I’m sorry dinner was so—Oh, gods.”

“This is the _raunchiest_ thing I have ever read.” Essek flipped another page. “Where in the nine hells did you find this?”

“A smut shop in Zadash—you don’t have to read that—I forgot—”

Essek snapped the book closed, looking up at Caleb who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“You don’t forget anything, Widowgast.” Essek smirked.

Caleb’s face was bright red. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Essek sighed, and set the book down, making a mental mark of the page he left on. He stood up, and waved his hand, the door closing behind Caleb.

“I just wanted a moment of your time.” Essek said. “We haven’t really spoken since… well even since before the negotiations. If Lucien and his crowd are as ruthless as you put on, it’s only a matter of time before they catch up. I, I didn’t want to risk leaving things unsaid.”

“Jester scryed on them. They’re maybe two days away. But it’s all guesswork at this point.”

“Right. But all the same, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, hell, today went much smoother than any expedition in the past, which was as welcome as it was odd, but I fear our luck won’t hold the deeper we delve.”

Caleb looked off, not saying anything. Essek dared to take a step closer.

“What are you not telling me?” He asked softly. “Caleb, I know I don’t have your trust, but I’m trying.”

“Your being in this tower is signs of trust enough.” Caleb said harshly.

“I’m sorry.” Essek stepped back. “I overstepped. My apologies.”

“Is this all you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, not exactly,” Essek searched for the words he ran though his head a dozen times before, but they were gone. He felt his own frustration begin to bubble up, but he turned away from Caleb, focusing on the stained glass above the fireplace.

Caleb let out a low sigh behind him. “You’re right though. We could all die tomorrow. Lucien could catch up to us, or we could run into another one of those abominations again, another centurion, or something a thousand times worse. And no matter what either of us say tonight, there will still be things going unsaid.”

Essek bit the inside of his lip. He crossed his arms, but concentrated on the mural. Maybe if he focused hard enough, the image would change. Rather than reaching out…

“So, what did you want to say, Essek?” Caleb was right behind him now. “Because if you say nothing, I’m going to bed.”

Essek turned to look down at him. His blue eyes seemed to pierce through Essek’s entire being, was there even anything left to say with such knowledge in those eyes? What could Essek say that Caleb couldn’t figure out on his own?

“I, well, when—” He coughed, cutting off his own stammering. “We talk so much of death. What can we say for the possibility to escape? That we might make it out of these ruins alive?”

Caleb chewed on the question.

“That seems like a very far-off possibility, to be entirely fair. What we—I have discovered, learned… Beauregard and I may not be walking away from this with the rest of you.”

“Why would you say that?” Essek found himself reaching for Caleb’s arm. The guilt was unmistakable. “What are you hiding from me?”

“It won’t change anything, so what does it matter?” Caleb sidestepped from Essek’s touch. Essek pulled his hand back. Softer, Caleb righted himself in front of the fireplace, the light shining around him, shading his features. “I’m sorry. There’s just a lot happening. Too may things to keep track of. Outside, and here.”

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t—” Essek sighed. He leaned on the chair. “I just fear more for the future now, more than ever. Even if I hadn’t met Lucien, I don’t know the goal of these Somnovum… the conflicts between the Dynasty and Empire feel so small. So far off.”

“Small dealings when the whole world’s at stake.”

Essek nodded gravely. “And you’ve pulled me right into the middle.”

“We wouldn’t have if we had anywhere else to turn.”

“Don’t start. I heard enough of that talk from the others.” Essek put his hands up. “I have enough regrets. Joining you is not one of them. This is my choice, no matter my fate, I am content.”

“Even with all those things going unsaid?”

“Even so.” Essek didn’t bother to hide the gravity in his voice. “You’re smart, Caleb. I’m sure you could figure it out.”

He smiled weakly, expecting Caleb to say something witty, and make his leave. To leave Essek with his well-deserved guilt, both of them knowing that neither of them deserved what they wanted in that moment. What Essek hoped above all hopes that Caleb wanted as well. Even talking about wanting to say it, to admit to his overwhelming feelings for the man standing in front of him, the feelings that had been building for months since meeting him, first seeing him pull that Beacon from his bag to save his friends, how it expanded and consumed him nearly every moment they’re apart, he knew he couldn’t say it aloud. Not now. Perhaps not ever.

He didn’t deserve it.

Caleb had said Essek is the man he once was.

The way Caleb followed his friends into the fires of hell and back, risked life and limb without a second thought was proof enough that Essek may never outgrow the person he was.

But he’d be damned if he didn’t try. He was here, in these ancient ruins, trying to beat a psychopath to the gateway of the apocalypse, wasn’t he?

He expected Caleb to continue playing this back-and-forth game between them. Small touches here and there, joking and hinting at something more, but always knowing their loyalties were elsewhere.

But that was before.

Instead, Caleb stepped closer. Essek, now lower than him leaning on the chair, looked up. The harshness had left Caleb’s eyes, and instead there was something else… Pity?

No. Not pity. At least not for Essek.

Caleb cupped Essek’s cheek.

“I am pretty smart,” he said softly. “And I am no fool.”

“Of course not,” Essek chuckled. He found himself leaning into Caleb’s hand. It was so warm. “Do I have to say it?”

“No.” Caleb was leaning close. Essek could smell the apple and cinnamon on his breath, the near-permanent soot on his fingers.

He reached up, taking Caleb’s face in his hands. They just looked at each other, drinking in each other’s eyes, their expressions, taking note of every detail.

It felt like an eternity passed between them.

Was this it? Essek wondered. Was this what he said no to, all those years ago? Was denying his Den and mother worth missing out on this impossible feeling?

Caleb read the plea in Essek’s eye, and closed the gap.

If infinity could be any larger, it was here.

Caleb pulled back from the kiss.

“Did I guess right?” He asked quietly.

Essek nodded.

“Good. Because if not that would’ve been a bit awkward.” Caleb laughed. It sounded like music.

Essek smiled. “Very. And yet—”

The feeling between them hadn’t vanished just yet. Essek closed his eyes again, holding onto it. He opened his eyes again.

“Are you alright?” Caleb asked.

“Yes,” Essek straightened up from the chair. “That was just a bit… different from what I expected.”

“Different?”

“Forget about it. It was nice.”

“Right.” Caleb cleared his throat. “I’d best be going.”

“Yeah, lots to work on, right?”

“Mostly theories, yes.”

“Well good luck.”

“Sleep well.”

Caleb paused at the door. “A good… Different?”

“Very good.” Essek said. “If you wanted, I could help on those theories…”

“Maybe,” Caleb turned. “Or they could wait for tomorrow.”

Essek stepped forward as did Caleb. They crashed into one another, all yearning and want laid on the table. Essek wrapped his arms around Caleb, running his hand through his long hair, pulling it out of its tie.

Caleb pulled on Essek’s collar, and after a little fiddling, undid it to expose his bound chest.

Essek followed his lead, unbuttoning Caleb’s own shirt, pulling it down over his shoulders.

Caleb’s kisses trailed down Essek’s neck, his hands exploring the drow’s back. Essek opened his eyes in the moment, looking down at Caleb from this new angle, and froze.

There, just above where his shirt had fallen down his arm, was an unmistakable red eye.

Essek held his breath. His mind raced, but it just made him hold on tighter.

Caleb must’ve felt his apprehension, because he started pulling away from the nook of Essek’s neck.

Before Caleb could see the worry on Essek’s face, Essek pulled him into another kiss.

 _Tomorrow_. Essek made a silent promise.

Whatever this meant... No, Essek knew what this meant. It confirmed that it wouldn’t last. But he already knew that, they way they both lived.

Essek held onto Caleb as he led him towards the doorway that would lead to his lab, and further, to his bedroom.

Whatever lay in wait for them was tomorrow’s problems. They were both here now, safe. Together.

And that was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> There it is lads, another layer of my self-indulgence because Liam O'Brien is god damn dramatic-ass thespian and will drag this romance out literally until the last moment or beyond and you know it. This one isn't gonna go anywhere else I don't think but it might get touched up and edited by like. Monday. Idk it's like 2 AM right now.


End file.
